PARAMOUNT PICTURES Calls THE PACKAGE

Monday, I received 2 Phone Calls from a lady working with Paramount Pictures to help them promote the new Jack Black Film NACHO LIBRE as a Luchadore (Mexican Wrestler).

Below is the Casting Call I responded to:

I am working with Paramount Pictures, and we want to do a stunt in Austin during next week’s SXSW event to help promote the new Jack Black film, NACHO LIBRE.

We would like to have two men dressed as Luchadores (Mexican Wrestlers) roaming the streets of Austin- 6^th street, in front of the Paramount Theatre and the Convention center.

These two would need to really ham up their performance, think WWWF pre- show type stuff. Grunting, growling “I’m gonna get you” type things, no actual fighting.

They would also hand out NACHO LIBRE buttons to those passing by.

Pay rate is $100 a day

Dates: March 15-18

Work 3-4 hours a day, hours would be during the opening and closing of SXSW evenings and other specified times.

Requirements below:

I need 2 male actors

Size XL

11/1/2 shoe

Costume is provided


I clearly didn't fit this casting call at all ,but I responded as a lark. I also had no intention of misleading them by wasting their time or mine. My email included this pertinent information below:

I've worked for a wrestling organization and I work Part Time at the Austin Convention Center. I realize I may be smaller than what you are looking for, but it may be funny to have a 5' 8 1/2" Tall, Irish Guy who doesn't know a lick of Spanish playing a Luchadore. Although I do wear a size 11 shoe and have stocky build.

To my surprise, I woke up to 2 Voice Mail Messages from Heidi working with Paramount Pictures asking me to call. The messages were within one hour of each other and seemed somewhat urgent. When I called her back, I reminded her that I was a 5' 8 1/2" Irish Guy and she said it wasn't a problem. She was planning on pairing me up with another 5' 9" guy to work with.

This doesn't make any sense. Why is it so hard to find Luchadore Wrestlers in Austin? There are thousands of Hispanic guys in town who could play the part and Austin is only two and a half hours from the border with Mexico.

ANSWER: Paramount Pictures is rolling the clock back 50 years and more when white guys played all the roles no matter what the race or ethnic background. Remember all those cheesy cowboy movies years ago where they had white guys painted red playing the Indian extras. Hell, they even played the leads like Burt Lancaster in "Apache"(1954). Man, if this trend catches on again THE PACKAGE might get to play Gengis Khan like John Wayne did in "The Conqueror"(1956). God, what a great movie NOT!!!

I guess my former Wrestling background(I worked as an Announcer/Production Assistant for a Local Wrestling Organization) intrigued Heidi because she asked me about it. I did show my vast wrestling knowledge by mentioning to her, "That you are aware that Luchadore Wrestlers are usually small". I also said, "Jack Black isn't that big is he?" She said no he isn't ,but he's RATHER ROUND. What could she have meant by this?

Man, I can't wait to hit the streets of Austin in my Mexican Luchadore Wrestling outfit. This is where all the years of Trash Talking, Bowling Alley Brawling and Wrestling Watching culminate into an Unstoppable, Out of Control, Complete Ass Kicking Force!

I've even going to bring the mock(like any of the belts are real) title belt I bought at a Garage sale. So, if you want a shot at the title, DON'T SING IT PUNK! BRING IT! to the Austin Convention Center or Paramount Theater. I'm taking on all TOTAL MAN PACKAGE WANNABE'S!

BECAUSE WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO! When THE PYTHONS & THE PECS of PACKAGE MANIA RUNS WILD ON YOU!!!

(PS: If you do see some Drunk, Spring Break, College Punks stuffing a guy, in Luchadore Wrestling outfit, into a Dumpster, while screaming for help like a banshee, please call the cops. Don't just go along with them by jeering and pouring beer on me. It's not a stunt. God, I hope they provide me with a mask. This gig could get really, really embarrassing).

THE TOTAL MAN PACKAGE!!! WOOOOOOOOO!!!!!