Sheryl Crow is Dating THE PACKAGE!!!

I'm sure most of you have heard Sheryl Crow and Lance Armstrong have split. Well, now Sheryl is dating me THE TOTAL MAN PACKAGE!!! WOOOOOOOO!!!!! She's just got a thing for guys in their 30's that ride bikes and live in Austin, TX.

Unlike Lance, I'm the real Bike riding deal. I ride my bike just about everywhere not just at the Tour De France. Yeah, I realize I'm just a young hot stud and Cheryl is probably just using me to get back at Lance. But Hell, Who Cares! It's Sheryl FREAKING CROW! I'll fly around the world and be her rebound man as long as she's paying because I certainly can't afford it. I'll figure out some way to turn this 15 minutes(5 Minutes) of fame into some advantage for myself. Maybe, I could set up a website called the Rebound guy and sell my services to chicks who just broke up to make their Ex's jealous. Someone get a hold of Jessica Simpson and tell her I'm available(Click Read More)

I should have realized there were problems with Lance and Sheryl earlier when Sheryl's car wasn't at the Austin Car Show at Palmer Auditorium this year like it was last year. I work part time at the Austin Convention Center and Palmer Auditorium in Austin, TX.

I hope I don't get pulled off the Security Detail guarding the Auction items for the Lance Armstrong Foundation Live To Ride Gala Event this year(usually held at the Austin Convention Center) if Lance finds out I'm dating Sheryl. The last couple of years I guarded auction items like Robin Williams's bike, Kid Rock's Platinum Record, Bruce Springsteen's guitar, Lances Bikes, Postal Jerseys, etc. All worth thousands of dollars. I've been recognized as a Powerseller on Ebay a couple times ,but if I had some these items to auction off I wouldn't have to work for a couple of years.

Hey, I just got another great idea. Maybe when I go by Lance's place with Sheryl to pick up her stuff I can get Lance to sign my $258 Raleigh Bike. Then, I could sell it for $10,000 or more like that Auction stuff.

Actually, I can sympathize with Lance somewhat. I'm finding out that the worst thing about Dating Sheryl is saying that you love her music 24/7 and pretending like you don't listen to anything else. Well, I won't be destroying my 80's Hair Band Metal collection yet. It will be COVERTLY PRESERVED!!!

More Bad News Lance. Since I'm the real deal and really ride my bike almost everywhere I'm competing in the TOUR DE FRANCE this year and Sheryl's going to be there to support me. Of course, after I win my 7th Tour De France title, I'm going to have to kick Sheryl to the curb. She'll be 50 by then and I will have to move on to younger Chicks like all the Male Celebrities do. I'm sorry it's just one of those crappy rules us Male Celebrities have to follow.

NEWSFLASH: Lance just heard "The Package" is dating Sheryl and drove his bike off a cliff! Too bad he didn't have my new Bicycle Parachute Invention(patent pending). It might have saved his life.

Look for me at the Grammy Awards with Sheryl. Talk to you later. Take Care!

THE TOTAL MAN PACKAGE!!! WOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!