I'm On CAPTAIN BAD ASS TV!

That's right. I'm working with Captain Bad Ass. Actually, this is my second time to work with him. I reprise my role as an abusive cop in the Wacky World of Captain Bad Ass. To get myself into character, I envision myself as a Cop in 1960 and the Miranda Rights don't exist. Now, I know some of you're saying, "Who the Hell is Captain Bad Ass?" Well, picture the old sixties Campy "BATMAN" with Adam West and add in some more bathroom humor(literally) and you've got the gist of what Captain Bad Ass is all about. For all the details, check: Captainbadass

Captain Bad Ass is the Brainchild(some people say it's brainless) of a friend of mine Steven Presley. It's really well done and I'm not the only one who thinks so. Captainbadass.tv got 300,000(Yes, 300,000) hits last month. If I was getting these kind of hits, I'd be writing this blog from Barbados while snorting Cocaine off a Stripper's G String. This Captain Bad Ass crazy banality definitely has appeal. The Foes, Friends, and Writing are an all around riot.

The Episode we shot Monday was in the Police training room where two other officers and myself are being briefed by the Commissioner. Then, unexpectedly a satellite feed comes in through the police video projector showing Captain Bad Ass semi-naked in a tub, waiting for the beautiful, diabolical, Vixen "Gold Digger". The Stooge(Captain Bad Ass)actually thinks he's going to score with "Gold Digger". So, Captain Bad Ass is in the tub dancing, and talking. Basically, Captain Bad Ass is making a complete fool out of himself while "Gold Digger" steals his clothes(along with his Wallet, I'm sure) and hits the bricks. Of course, The Commissioner views this whole scene and is very disgusted with Captain Bad Ass.

Steven Presley aka Captain Bad Ass is also a blast to work with. He lets the actors contribute to the scenes quite a bit by improving and adding lines when needed. He actually listens to what you have to say and will use your ideas if he thinks their good. For example, last summer Steven used one of my ideas to shoot a Captain Bad Ass Vignette at the Star Wars Premiere in Austin, TX which came off great.

Yesterday, while shooting at the Police Training Room, there was a lousy stick figure Sketch of Captain Bad Ass with a cape. I told Steven he ought to have the Commissioner Character say, "Man, we really need a new Police Sketch Artist," or something to that extent and Steven had the Commissioner use it.

Finally, in my first scene as the Abusive Cop, we were filming a shot where the Commissioner is instructing a couple of officers outside the Police Station while I'm in the background beating the living hell out of some poor citizen with another cop. Steven also let me make up my lines for this.

Okay, I'll quit sucking up ,but I feel the need to praise Presley for this because I have found it rare for other productions that I work on to let me contribute this much. That's why some productions like you to improvise. So, they don't have to write it and can take credit for it. Although I'm lauding Presley, don't ever forget "THE TOTAL MAN PACKAGE IS STILL CAPTAIN BAD ASS'S FORMER SIDEKICK AND ARCH NEMESIS" ,but that's another story. I digress.

Hell, I've got lots of ideas for Captain Bad Ass. Here's one. You know the military has a non lethal crapping/puking weapon that they can use to disperse crowds. It works by emitting low frequency waves which causes you to lose control of your bowels or have the urge to puke violently. So, here's my idea which would also work well for Mike Myers and the next Austin Powers movie. Dr. Evil is holding the whole world hostage for "1 Million Dollars" or he'll continue to embarrass heads of state by making them crap and puke suddenly in public at the most inappropriate time with his low frequency Ultimate Crap Weapon.

Talk about playing shit games with people. How can you stop this? If you try to send in the air force to strike the weapon, Doctor Evil will just shut it on and all the Pilots will all be involuntarily crapping and puking in their cockpits before they get anywhere near the crap weapon. How can someone fight when they feel the urgent need to run to the bathroom? They can't or can they? There is a cure available which is an extremely high(almost toxic) dose of Pepto Bismol that will provide a limited time of relief. The problem is the governments of the world can't produce it fast enough. So, they give the limited supply they have to Austin Powers and it's up to him to sneak into Dr. Evil's lair and stop his insidious plans. Man, this idea is an obvious winner. I'm definitely sending this one to Mike Myers.

GOD, I can't wait until Captain Bad Ass becomes a franchise like "Star Trek" and I'm at the Conventions signing autographs of my head shots for five bucks(Oh, it will happen). Even if they have to get Brad Pitt to play me in the movie, I'll still have it made for life because I'll be the guy from the original show like Jeffrey Hunter in the "Star Trek" pilot episode "The Cage". All the Captain Bad Ass fans will be worshiping me at the conventions saying stuff like, "Man, it's that guy from the original episodes" This will be followed by endless frivolous questions, about those few episodes that I was in. Then, I'll have to tell Mr. Brad Pitt to step aside for the real ABUSIVE COP STAR from the original series and the fans will CHEER!!!

THE TOTAL MAN PACKAGE!!! WOOOOO!!!!!